Applebee's Club House Grill spins an old favorite sandwich with a tangy/sweet twist.

Little did I know I was going to review a sandwich today. I was supposed to be on my way to Miami and when plans fell through we circled back around and up to the Applebee's at the Hunter's Creek Orlando Location.

I was going to get a burger but decided to try the ClubHouse Grill Sandwich. You can't go wrong with a club. The perfect marriage of turkey and ham with the crunch of bacon. The taste goes so well with the cheese, lettuce and tomato. This however wasn't your normal club. Applebees decided to take the club and add BBQ sauce to it. Was this the secret ingredient that was going to send your taste buds swirling into heaven or would this be a complete catastrophe ending in a deadly throw to the ground and a stomp.

Admitly while enjoying friendly chitchat at the table I had my doubts as to if I was going to like it. I knew the BBQ sauce was either going to make or break this sandwich. I knew it came with fries so if I didn't like it I had a backup.

Our server T.J. was very polite and was always there with anything we needed. Prompt polite service. I knew that if I hated the sandwich so much I could always have the service to positively report on.

The food was here and it was time for the moment of truth. The presentation was nice, the club was piled high, and the bacon looked nice and crisp. Nothing worse than wimpy limpy bacon, it can ruin a sandwich. I took one bite and as I chewed I had made up my mind. The BBQ sauce was delicious. It taste like it was meant to be on there the whole time. It didn't seem out of place, or an add on at the last minute. It was perfect for this club.


This isn't your average club, but if you are picky, you may want to stick to your milder fare. This is a bold flavor that has the ability to turn off those not looking for so much excitement. This is the perfect sandwich for a beer or 2 at lunch. It's one of those things you get when you are looking for fun and not watching your weight. I didn't have my camera with me, so the photo to the right is courtesy of chapstickaddict. Although mine looked very similar.


I searched the internet and it seemed that for some time the Club House Grill was taken off the menu. People loved it so much that they created a petition site to bring the favorite back. The loud outpouring from the sandwiches' fans persuaded Applebees to put it back on the menu.

I only found one negative review. The first thing they hated was the BBQ sauce and noted the bacon on paper thin and something you would find at McDonalds. I think the guy was turned off by the BBQ sauce and just wanted one more thing to complain about because the bacon I had was on par.


I think for me it was the type of BBQ they used they knew how to make it add flavor without overtaking the whole sandwich.


If you fancy yourself a sandwich connoisseur and are looking for a little tangy sweet, inexpensive grill and bar type food in a family setting than this is for you. I'm going to give this one 5 stars for taste, flavor and that little special ingredient.

Subway Challenge One

I endured a long process and some really sub-par sandwiches to bring you The Subway Challenge. I went, I challenged, I ate, and I wrote. I never wrote down which subways were what. I really thought it should be anonymous since the challenges involved only Florida chain subways and I knew as a former submaker myself that sometimes people ask for weird shit, and they teach you that customer satisfaction is of utmost importance. Customer is always right? Right? Wrong!

Well let's get to it
Challenge One was all about cheese pattern. I blogged a little in the past about subway cheese pattern and how they purposely do not spread the cheese triangles evenly. Here a manager explains why in this image below.

The challenge was to ask the Sub Artist if they could take the four slices and alternate them 1 up, 1 down, 1 up, 1 down. I decided 3 attempts would be enough to figure out if they are willing to go against the policy. The first time I went during the Lunch Rush. The girl looked over at the manager and said. "Sorry ma'am I'm not allowed to do that, but I can put the cheese off to the side and you can put it on yourself. " Of course I said, "Don't worry about it", and slid on over to the topping station.

The manager, who was at the register, made a point to tell me that the reason is because of the integrity of the "Subway Brand", there is a specific formula that makes the sandwiches taste better. "We do not deviate from the formula", he said. Can I tell you how hard it was not for me to lash back. I thought saying something would ruin my challenge and the point wasn't to be an angry unsatisfied customer it was to see if they would switch the cheese around. First off if you want integrity for the subway brand you may want to invest in better, fresher, non prepackaged meats, better quality cheeses and keep quality control on your bread. Secondly putting the cheese slices like that doesn't degrade from the taste, in fact it makes it more even. Most of the time ingredients are laid on for aesthetics and secondly to taste. I really wanted to say something but I didn't.

Time for a second go at this. Another store, a little bit after the Lunch Rush. The girl seemed very new but she was good at assembling the sandwich. It was only her up on the line and when I asked the dreaded question she said. Mmmm let me ask. She went in the back and emerged. Half wanting to please her boss and half wanting to please her customer she said in a quiet tone ," Well we aren't supposed to but I'll make an exception." "Just don't expect everyone to do it for you". And by everyone she meant anyone who was within eyeshot of the boss.

I get it, It's all about food cost and wanting to up-sale, but shouldn't we be atleast satified with the store model. The sandwich model should be tasty without having to add extras. I understand the idea and the want for extras because everyone has different taste. If I want extra bacon I should have to pay more. If I want extra cheese I should have to pay more but trying so hard to make the sandwich inadequate so people HAVE to buy extras is disgraceful.

So my third trip, I felt jaded. On my drive I yelled aloud what I was going to say to these anti cheese composition freaks. This was my last stop. I had already prepared to say something. It was good, it was directed at the company and not at the worker, it was righteous. It was point by point what I had thought. and I was going to let them have it.

It was late. about 8.55 pm when I walked in. I sighed and maintained my composure waiting untill they told me no. Waiting for when they would ask me if I wanted cheese or not. Something broke my concentration. "Ma'am would you like cheese on that?" "Oh sorry, it's been a long day, yes I would, and you can alternate the chesee, you know one up, one down?" "Alright". "Really", I said wide eyed. "Sure, not a problem," he said. Another girl emerged to top off my sub, and I asked her if I want extra of a topping if I'd have to pay more. She said no unless I asked for all of the toppings. "You come during the day?" She asked. "Yeah usually, I replied". She shook her head and laughed, we aren't as strict as them. Here at night we have a different customer and we like to honor that. I didn't see a manager, but I supposed one was in back perhaps doing a food order, as this grouping was dressed to standard and doing a lot of the corporate rules.

I was surprised they were much more happy and customer based that the day crews I had encountered at the other subways. More studies will need to be done to find out if night crew is really better at customer service than day crew.

As far as this challenge in concerned as long as a manger isn't looking you can get your cheese flipped. If you are pissed about this corporate order. Write Subway Headquaters, if enough people write things will get changed.

Some people say order a different cheese. The cheese they had were all triangle that I saw and the challenge was to get them to flip the default american cheese. So if you ask, and they say no, ask for a corporate card you can send in to get this issue irraticated.

Rip Donatos in Central Florida.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I'm afraid Donantos in Central Florida has died. All 7 Central Florida Stores have closed due lack of significant penetration in that market here. Their Pizza and Subs will be missed. I will never be able to get a Hot Big Don Italian Sub in the Central Florida area and for that I am saddened.

News Story: http://www.wftv.com/news/16695021/detail.html

Taste the sandwiches.

So I haven't posted in awhile but its not because I haven't been writing or reviewing sandwiches. I have a lot of back log stuff I plan to push out this weekend and on to next week

Sub Club Cards and Characters

According to wikipedia - "In early June 2005, Subway announced that the popular customer rewards program would be phased out due to counterfeiting. Another reason, which was not stated by the company, for the discontinuation of the program was that there was a large amount of internal theft of stamps by Subway employees and affiliates, including the sale of rolls of the stamps online at places such as eBay. Officially the Sub Club program has been discontinued in the US and Canada by Doctor's Associates[12], but additional markets have also made local decisions to discontinue the program."

When I worked there we accepted club cards and I'm here to tell you the real deal behind the phasing out of these cards. First off, Subway pays their workers minium wage, or pretty close to it. They also make their workers work almost every single holiday. You local subway is always open on Christmas when even Burger King is closed.

So it's no surprise to me that employees were selling rolls of the stamps on ebay, got to pay the bills and if you work at subway you are working paycheck to paycheck. I really think that if subway paid their workers even just a $1.50 a more an hour, service would be better, and they wouldn't have so many workers stealing things. I saw full bags of chicken terriyaki being stolen out of the back freezer, by disgruntled workers who knew they were getting screwed over and took matters into their own hands.

Hello Subway wake up and pay your people better you'd be surprised what a little money love would do for employee moral, service, and quality. Stop spending money on those stupid Jared commercials and pay your people better!

Review #3 Donatos Big Don Italian Sub.

I really like donatos pizza and I thought if I love their pizza will I love their subs? I just so happen to have a dollar off coupon on the fridge, which when I paid for the sub even though I came and picked it up I gave them a dollar tip. I figured if I'm going to write about them and I got a dollar off might as well. Anyway I got the sub home opened up the box and positioned it to see the insides and took the picture to the right.

I was surprised by what I saw. I really enjoyed the fact they they don't fluff their subs. Fluffying meaning that they just laid the meat down and didnt try to plump it up to look larger than what it is by curling or laying methods. Also they don't over do on the lettuce. One thing I hate is when sub shops want the sub to look larger so they add double the lettuce needed. Nice try coporate owners but I'm on to you , I know the lettuce trick. Anyway back to the review, the roma tomatoes were nice, jucy and red, as the yellow peppers added great flavor without overpowering the sandwich. The meat was a bit salty, that is expected with these types of meats. Ham and Salami are always salty.

I would have liked the cheese to be a little bit more melty and the ends of the bread to have more substance, as the ends ended up being more like pizza crust The bread was good and toasty and I loved the cornmeal bottom. All the ingredients were good, and the over all taste was wonderful.

4.0 stars It's a good italian sub from a pizza joint. Not the best I've ever had but decent with good quality ingredience and a nice toasty bread with a cornmeal bottom

More challenge talk.

A friend in the food service industry told me that I'd have a harder time then I think trying to get the subshops to add my own cheese. After reviewing his thoughts it made sense. I too still hold a food handlers license and if approached I would probably tell them that they can add their own cheese after I make. We don't have cheese waivers. I couldn't put it on the sandwich for safety reasons not for customer service reasons. Shops are required to keep meats and cheese at a certain tempeture or out of the danger zone. Putting unknown cheese on a sandwich is a liabilty.

So I'm trying to figure out what to do with the challenge. I want to keep it but I don't know how to score it. Customer service, or health issue. Maybe there is a right answer to this question.

annoying customer questions

Okay people read the menu! The most annoying customers are those that ask the lamest questions and when you work that type of job you really cant tell them to go fuck themselves while shoving a sandwich up their ass.

Here for your enjoyment are 3 of the lamest questions ever.

Q. - What comes on a BLT?

Q. - Does cheese come on a cheese steak sub?

Q. - What price is that tukey sub? while pointing at the menu that clearly has the price listed

Publix Ham and Swiss review

I had to go grocery shopping anyway and I thought why not kill two birds with one stone. I have had a publix sub before, they use boars head meat which is portioned out ahead of time, and your choice of a few cheeses and toppings. For this I chose mayo, lettuce, tomato, green pepper and banana pepper. seasoned with pepper and oil and vinegar.

No salt, the meat has enough salt in it and it doesn;t need anymore.

I knew before hand that I liked publix subs. They provide you will good quality ingredients. Boarshead meat, and an outstanding bread with just the right texture. I've had okay sandwiches there put together by the unknowing or a few not so good ones.

Publix is a good example of a template sub place, meaning that you are always assured decent ingredients but it is who puts them together that makes the different.

I was greated by a very extroverted fellow who was more than pleasent. He made note of my MIT shirt. Yes I was bumming it this sunday in a pair of old jeans and an oversized M.I.T. shirt. He striked up some good conversation out of that, picking my brain and being quite likable. Mike was so likable that I almost didn't care how he was making my sub.

He effortlessly put it together, only within conversation asking me what I wanted. I was pulling for him to put it together well , as Mike was very likable and easy going. I didn't want to have to report bad things about him. He just made it seem so damn easy. I did notice that he did the knife trick. That is a trick known by sandwich chefs as "packing it in". you take the knife and press it in so that the toppings get compacted and don't fall out.

I wasn't conviced until I ate it. I have to say hands down best publix sub I've ever eaten. The ingredients where evenly spread, and it was just the right amount of toppings. The oil and vinegar was just enough to wet the sandwich without making it soggy.

It was more than I thought it would be. Mike had done a great job combining customer service with sandwich sculpure expertise.

This sandwich gets a rating of 4.0 out of a possible 5.2.

Monthly Challenge

I had a recent thought which I really hate but it would make for some great writing. A challenge for myself. A monthly challenge to put into play some theories that need to be tested. The reason I hate this thought is because I want to be nothing my nice to the workers and be the easiest customer of the day, but the challenges may mean that I can't be that way. I will start off easy and get harder. So far my ideas are.

1. Tackling the subway cheese issue. Task level: Easy. Challenge is all about getting the sandwich artist to alternate my cheese so that it makes 2 squares instead of 4 triangles.

2. Bringing in my own cheese. Task level: Easy to low medium. Challenge involves going to 3 different sandwich shops with my own cheese and seeing if they will put my own cheese on my sandwich.

3. The picky eater challenge. Task level: medium. Challenge involves 2 shops to see if being a picky eater is problematic. Each shop will see a easy goinging person and each shop will see a picky person asking for special care to determine who each is handled.

4. The bitch. Task level: Hard. Challenge takes 2 subshops and on first occasion is nice, and on second is a complete bitch from start to finish.

I really do hate these challenges but I said I wanted a good sandwich blog so here we go. Challenge once starts April 1st.

Default Cheese

I thought I would tackle the subject of cheese today. Demistify 2 of the myths. Subway would like you to believe that they put the triangles of cheese all in the same postion because of what they call sub artistry. They actually want you to believe that it "taste better this way". They have a whole manual on how to make the sandwich step by step and how certain ingredients go on. I always thought it was for aesthetic reasons. When I worked there I questioned this. Why would I get in trouble if I put onions on before the tomato? I said it must be for aesthetics. The corporate trainer said "no, it's because it taste better that way". Actually the only thing that matters is what topping goes on first and last, all others are interchangable.

What Subway doesn't want you to know is that there is a reason behind the layout of their cheese and it's not for looks or for taste but for money. A loyal regular pointed out the benefits of making two squares out of the 4 triangles. Here he illustrates why it makes the most sense. He's right, it would give you the most coverage. You wouldn't be left with bites of sandwich without cheese if they did it his way. So it isn't for taste after all. What if a pizza company decided that they were only going to cover half the pie with cheese and you'd just have less crust on one side but no cheese on the other. You would obviously pay to get extra cheese to cover the remainder of the pie right?

Well this is basically what Subway is doing and here now, for your enjoyment, is an actual subway manager to comfirm this.

Myth One Busted!

Next myth, that most sandwich shops would like you to believe is that the reason why american cheese is basically the default cheese is that it is the most popular cheese. This is not the case. It is the most popular for children but not for adults. Provolone actually ranks higher with adults. I will say one good thing about american cheese. It melts well. The american cheese that subshops buy isn't super high quality but it melts well and is decent for your average joe taste buds. If you get a meatball sub ask for half american and half provolone. It will keep your meatball sub from being too stringy. Provolone melts okay but it's very stringy. So the american cheese helps to combat that. This does not mean that I think american cheese belongs on a meatball sub. If I had it my way, subshops would serve fontina cheese with their meatball subs. It taste better and melts like a dream, but the reality is that fontina is too expensive and it isn't a cheese that is known to the masses like american or provolone. I'm really dreaming though because there aren't very many sandwich shops that would serve fontina so let me get back to american cheese.

I do not believe american cheese should be put on every sandwich. It's dull, and doesn't really stand out when paired with a cold turkey or ham sub the way swiss, or pepperjack does.

So if the reason isn't taste or popularity then what is it? Yes you are right it's money. It's easy to see sandwich shops motives. They really only have a few, which are: taste, money, aesthetics, customer service, and popularity.

American cheese is the cheapest cheese sold. Sorry Dad but I'm ratting you out on this one. While my dad is an excellent grill cook. He gave up smoking cigs after many years but decided that he liked smokey flavors so he took up grilling. My dad makes a great burger but I haven't been able to tell him that sticking kraft singles american cheese on the burger does not make it a cheese burger in my eyes. I think an american burger would be great with a smoked cheddar or a plain old sharp cheddar. I know why he uses the american especially for cooking at reunions. It's cheap and it melts well. I just wish I could get him on a different cheese. Perhaps I should bring the cheese next time he makes burgers, but again I'm rambling and must get back to talking about american cheese as the default.

I can't really fault subshops for making american the default cheese. It's good for their bottom line and it is a very popular cheese with children, and most adults don't mind it even if its not their favorite. The subshop knows most people just ride with it. If the menu says "cheese" chances are it is american. Also note that if the menu has a sandwich and it doesn't say it includes cheese then cheese cost extra in most cases.

We had a cheese issue at Jersey Mike's as the owner of the franchise was getting bored with the same old cheeses. So he brought in a few specialty cheeses, such as havarti, a personal favorite of mine, and munster. The regular customers loved it, however corporate did not. Corporate came down and said that the owner could not deviate from the menu. That he didn't have the right to change the Jersey Mike's brand. So he had to get rid of it. This elicted a lot of response from the customers. They were upset, the cheese was more expensive and most customers who loved it said they would gladly pay a little extra if it was brought back. Some customers were upset with the owner about it but we assured them it was not his fault. There is a lesson learned in this. The only way a customer can change the operations of a franshised subshop is to write corporate. I'm sure that if enough peole for that location wrote in, they would allow us one not all but one specialty cheese which was the most popular to come back as an extra item and charge extra for it. Probably between 20 cents for half a sub and 40 for whole.

We have some people that really complain about extra charges, but seriously folks 20-40 cents to make your sandwich extra special. People who were not only willing to pay the extra but also had a good attitude were often rewarded with extra special care. I can't stress enough how much a good nice attitude reflects on your sandwich. You would be amazed.

Sub Manager spells out the reason for the composition of the cheese

Even in the sub business image and manipulation is everything.

Please Subway Change your Cheese Format.

I can't tackle the Subway issue lightly. Yes, I worked there many years ago, yes I had some great times working there. The people I worked with were great, fun, and pretty outstanding people. The kind of people that would back you up in a bar fight, or help start a bar fight, or would kick the ass of anyone that opposed you, but mainly they were just friends fighting the same fight day in and day out as I did. They had your back because they were in the same struggle as you were, making minium wage busting ass at a sandwich shop.



I can assure you that at this point in time even the shift leader were only making $7.50 an hour. Only a mere 50, or 75 cents seperating them from new hires. History repeats itself and it's a dangerous lesson to learn in the restuarant business. If you don't pay your employees well enough, or treat them good enough then they just really don't care. Paying these people an extra dollar or two more an hour and you would have a tighter, more effecient crew that played by the rules.

But because the franchise owner treated them like slave rats, the only rules the employees followed were the 10 and 20 second rule, the idea that you deserve crap if you give them crap, and the idea that cutting corners made things easier. Yes, you could often here the same motto being shouted in the back prep stations. "You pay me $6.50 and hour and I'll give you $6.50 of work an hour. It was just that simple.

This is why some sub workers are rude to you when you make cocky or snides remarks. They aren't paid to deal with your shit. I can't even count on my hands how many times a customer has made me cry, and once on Easter of all days. You people can be down right mean, condesending, and inapproprate. So take note next time you order a sandwich, don't be the jackass in the line.

I plan on covering a lot of subway stories. These stories are not meant to chide the restuarant chain, well okay it sorta is. They deliever such a low quality sandwich with prices just as high as other chains and seem to have the lowest staff moral, probably due to bad working conditions, no holidays off not even christmas, and low pay. Subway is surely one of the ones at the bottom of the barrell.

Status on Blog

I really want to make this blog better by adding addition elements and chaning layouts. I have however been out of the loop due to a large project at work taking up a lot of my free time. I'm back logged on posting reviews. So there will be a few reviews in one week to catch up. Plus of course some fun stories, and if I can sneak in a recipe I will.

Review #1 I had a Quizno's Coupon.

I checked the mail and had recieved a flyer with a multitude of quizno coupons, so as fate would have it Quizno's became my first review. I'd have to say I'm not a huge quiznos fan. I've had a few sandwiches there most were exceptionally good, and some were just mediocre. The one I had from the Hunters Creek Location on John Young Parkway in Orlando was the latter.

I had decided I was going to try the Tuscan Turkey on rosemary parmesan bread. The sandwich contained swiss cheese, turkey, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and roasted red pepper Sauce. I thought that the sandwich chef could have done a better job making the sandwich look prettier, and I also disagree with adding a sauce, other than oil and vinegar on last even if you fo put it on first and then drizzle more. Heavier sauces need to go on the bread. Other wise you end up with the picture above. The sandwich becomes messy and half of that lettuce will drop out and you won't get a full on evenly sauce taste.

In this case I was kind of glad I didn't get that taste because it wasn't just the sandwich chef who made this medicre. I could have excused these practices had the roasted red pepper sauce tastes like roasted red pepper sauce. It was too tangy and almost reminded me of a french dressing. I would have liked it to be more spicier and pepper tasting. The tang of it was too much. I also like creamier sauces on sandwiches such as a chipotle mayo or a roasted red pepper sauce like Jersey Mikes carries.

So the sauce just didnt do anything good for the sandwich. The next thing lacking a little was the turkey while it was decent it just wasn't quite as flavorful as I would have like. Perhaps without the overpowering sauce I would have been able to taste the turkey meat better.

On the plus side of things the bread was fresh and decent. The lettuce was bagged lettuce, which I really don't have a problem with as some do. Tomatoes were nice and covered the whole sandwich, and the onions were present without being over powering. The service provide was wonderful. The price was decent and I got a dollar off with my coupon.

I'm going to go back and get another sandwich sometime because I know I'd like something better. As for the Tuscan Turkey I give it a 2.8 at of a possible 5.2.

Thats right I have a weird scale the reason for the extra .2 at the end of 5 is because it has to exceed what I think the perfect sandwich is. a 5.0 is superb but I'm wondering if anyone can beat that.

Annoying Customer Episode #1

I will be spotlighting some annoying customer habits in this blog, all stories are based on true occurances. This is to showcase the funny, ignorant, annoying, and just plain insane customers that actually act this way.

I worked the opening shift at a sandwich restuarant. I did the morning prep, made the bread, and of course the favorite morning tasks of cooking the bacon. The quality of bacon was excellent and we would cook a large amount every morning for the lunch rush on a small grill basically no larger than the surface area of a regular sized stove. This was the grill that during business hours would be used to make cheese steaks, and other grilled sandwiches.

We'd keep the bacon warm throughout lunch with a heatlamp and it worked very well.

Except for one customer. A blonde fair skinned woman in her mid twenties with long pink fingernails who obviously had never cooked bacon ever in her life.

She would always ask us to put her bacon back on the grill because she didn't think our bacon was crispy enough. I think she wanted it burnt because our bacon was very crispy. In fact most customers gave us props for how nice our bacon was, cooked fresh and just the right amount of crisp.

Each time she would come in and each time the employees would try to talk her out of it or basically deny her the right to have regrilled bacon. The employees weren't being mean, they were looking out for her best interest. They knew what the outcome would be if they gave in to her wishes. They tried to be nice and since the grill was usually full, they would reply with something like, "Oh it will take a while, is the problem the tempiture ma'am?" She would reply back with " No, it's just that you don't crisp it enough, I like my bacon crispy. " Ma'am our bacon is crispy". Some would even take a small piece and break it in half to show the crispiness. By this time the people behind her were getting aggitated and it was time to move on. "Sorry, our grill is full, I can put it in a microwave or I can write out a grill ticket and you can wait 15 minute for your bacon if you like." "ahhgh It's fine just put the bacon on the sandwich as is." She must have found it fine because She always came back but she'd always ask the same question and we would give her the same answer.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I was done protecting her. I was sick of every week saying the same thing over and over, I was sick of her giving the same replies, and just like kismet we happened to meet that day. A slow Tuesday at 11:16 am. I decided to give her what she wanted, You know, since the grill wasn't full.

I quickly replied with ma'am you are in luck today, its been so slow I will be happy to put your bacon on the grill. If you've ever cooked bacon before you know that bacon uses it's fats to cook itself. Once it's taken out of that environment and set on to a grated tray to let the rest of the grease drip off, it not only looses it's viscosity element that is the grease but bacon rigamortis sets in. It's like the bacon, in an attempt to leave a good looking corpse, tries to do a yoga move and gets stuck that way. Bacon is never completely flat unless you microwave or bake it with precision.

I'm all off in my only little world thinking about bacon doing yoga stretches when the whiney voice breaks in "Umm Do you have any flatter pieces?" "Uhhh I can search through the pile", I said with uncertainty. Well it wasn't really uncertainty it was me trying to make it seem uncertain. Rule 32 had been put in place and I knew exactly what I had to do. Duty had called.

I'm sure you are asking what rule 32 is anyways? Rule 32 is one of the most common rules dealing with difficult customers. Rule 32 states that if the difficult customer doesn't like the product and asks you to switch it out, you go and find the worse match for what they want, and persuede them into thinking it's exactly what they want. The easiest way to do this is to pretend to do everything you can for them, for instance sorting through a pile of tilting bacon that resembles the Leaning Tower of Piza.

The reason for rule 32 is that difficult customers really don't know what they want, they think they do, but they are dead wrong. Sandwich and deli workers may not make top salary but they are experts at their craft and if they weren't, office workers would still be making baloney sandwiches with mustad smiles and packing their lunch for work instead of paying 5-11 bucks for a sandwich at a restaurant.

I grab out a few pieces of bacon making it look like I'm sorting out the good from the bad, shift everything to one side of the tray, and saying aha a few times. "These look great for grilling!" I show her the flatest piece of bacon out of the 4 slices I have in my hand and she agrees that this is better than the original 4. but that piece was actually not as flat as the orginal 4 I had picked and the 3 that followed were even worse.

"Is there a way to make them flatter?, ... I mean, the heat should help relax them right?" said the whiney voice. "Actually, you are right, I forgot I had this press block." I replied with a devilious grin and the thought that bacon isn't like curled hair, you can't relax it. I imagined a girl at the salon with bacon hair trying to use a flat iron. I had to hold in laughter, atleast I was facing the grill at this time and not her otherwise I doubt I would have managed.

I heard the crunch of the bacon as I put the grill press block on them. It sounded like old bones crushing against one another. The crunch was so loud I'm surprised she didn't hear it over her own ignorance and annoying thought bubbles that must have been going on in her head. I went to move the press off as I thought the bacon had suffered enough but she said" Oh no leave it on for one more minute. I like my bacon crispy!"

I'm not one to argue with a customer, so I said, "wow you really do like it crispy but I don't want it to burn." "Oh it should be fine" she said," just a minute longer..... oh and all I want on it is mayo and lettuce. " So I topped her sub while waiting for her bacon. I picked up the press and the bacon was smashed to smithereens. The bacon now resembled little shards of heavily burnt plastic. "Smell's Great!" she chirped. Her mother must have burned bacon a lot while she was a child for her to actually love that smell. Serving your kid completely burnt food is only a step away from child abuse I thought. I felt bad for her, maybe her parents treated her badly and didn't properly cook food, maybe this is all she knows, maybe she is just acting out due to this abuse. She could be on her way to 12 steps to better food with Anoymous Burnt Food Addicts otherwise known as ABFA. I'm a horrible person for enabling her. What have I done?!

I have to pull myself together at this point. I'm in deep and I can't blow my cover. Maintain, remain cool, remember rule number 32. remember rule 32 I thought in my head over and over as I pressed the sandwich together and wrapped it.

I rang her up for her sandwich and she seemed pleased as she walked out the door I felt a sigh of relief. She was happy with her addiction and I was worried that she would keep coming back for it, and get frustrated if it wasn't done to her liking.

Well she did come back and I'm pleased to report that rule 32 worked just as planned. She made the calls and realized that what she wanted was a little absurd. She explained that I burnt her bacon. Oh wait? What the fuck? She is blaming me for her short comings as a leader in the sandwich arts. If the bacon was burnt it was not my fault I tried to take it off, it was heard that asks for it to me on longer.

Then she said something that made me take back all the feelings of sorrow for her, she said "Yeah the sub would have been excellent if you wouldn't have suggested heating up the bacon on the grill." Yes she had the nerve to lie in front of a long line of customers and she also had the nerve to say in a snotty voice, "what I wanted was for you to cook the bacon on the grill from start to finish." " You know, how normal people do it."

"No enlighten me princess, how do normal people cook bacon? " Okay I didn't actually say that but I wanted to. What I said was, you seemed happy when you saw me putting the sandwich together, you are the one that suggested recooking the bacon, and you never called us later to say it was inedible. Was it inedible?

Stumbing after a while she said yes. "but you ate it?" I questioned. She shook her head almost unable to speak and just as I thought I had won, she chimed in once again as I was trying to talk to the next customer.

"You know I would really like you to cook my bacon on the grill. I know you have more bacon back there, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to just cook up 4 slices for me. "

I'd like to tell you I remained calm at this point but I didn't I was clearly aggitated, as I excused myself from talking to the next customer to talk back to her. Ma'am to do that we would have to allocate half the grill for you as I'm sure that the other customers in front of you and the ones in back of you ording hot sandwiches don't want your bacon grease in their food. I will do this for you provided that you get everyone in line to say that it is okay to delay them the time it takes to cook your bacon. They all objected. I told her she could wait in line until resources became free for us to do that for her, but seeing that it was already 11:57 am knew there would be no chance until after 2 oclock that we could actually do this for her.

"Why can't you put it on the grill with everyones else's food" she chimed in. I heard a frustrated woman speak up and say "I just orded a grilled veggie wrap, can you make sure that her bacon doesn't go on the grill with mine, I'm a vegitarian and bacon grease will make me sick!

After explaining to her again why she would have to wait for the grill to be empty and how the restaurant was starting to fill up, she finally just gave up. Annoyed, and said fine, just put the bacon on the sandwich. As she strolled up to the register she asked if she could have a discount.

A discount! What for being a pain in the ass! She was denied the discount because our bacon is fresh every day we'd be happy to take the bacon off and substitue it for something else but you don't get a discount for inconviencing others.

She would come in from time to time after that, but she always had a turkey bacon and she never complained or asked for regrilled bacon again.

What makes a good sandwich shop

People often wonder why all sandwiches aren't created equal. They also wonder what makes them love one sandwich place over another. Some people can't even put a finger on why they like Sub A or Sub B. I'm here to clear up that mystery.

A good sandwich shop is defined by 3 things.

1. The quality, freshness , quantity and size of the Bread

2. The quality and quantity of the Meat.

3. Variety of Cheese.

1. The Bread - baked on premises, fresh that day, and size proportion are all important but also is the firmness or softness of the bread and the thickness. Thickiness can be very imporant and too much thickiness can ruin a sandwich.

2. The Meat- Next to the bread this is what divides average sandwich places from great sandwich places. Quality, Quality Quality! You may pay a little extra for a sandwich with good quality meat but it is worth it, I'd rather have a smaller portion of high quality meat than a crappy low quality high processed pile the size of sears tower. So of course size proportion is second here. If I find a sandwich shop that has good quality meat they skimp with it, I'll gladly pay the extra buck or two for double meat.

3. Variety of cheese - now why doesn't quality matter here? Well we typically aren't talking about gourmet cheeses, or freshly made cheeses. Rarely is Momma Italiano in the back making the fresh mozzerela for your meatball sandwich. Cheese at a sandwich shop is typically standard fare. What is important is that they give you a variety to choose from. I'm a firm believer in 5 or more but carrying more cheese hurts their bottom line so 4 or more is adequate.

The four should be. White American, Provolone, Sharp Cheddar and Swiss. With 5 add in Pepper Jack. These five give you a good vareity. American, my least favorite cheese but kids most favorite cheese melts well, provolone is the base of a lot of italian sandwiches and works well on meatballs and philly cheese steaks. Swiss is great for people who want a lower fat cheese and is standard on reuban sandwiches. Sharp Cheddar is not mild and brings a different color to party. Pepper Jack brings the spicy to the table and is great with chipotle style sandwiches or buffalo chicken style sandwiches.

So what about the Produce? Why isn't it listed? Well because Produce is always a variable and is local to each area. Tomatos are the main offenders on this because tomatos are the most expensive produce and they vary from season to season. Just because a restaurant has great looking, tasty tomatoes this week doesn't mean they will have the same next week. It really varies from batch to batch, how well there is quality control and the season.

All other produce is standard and quality depends on the local purveyor and how much the restaurant is willing to pay for good quality produce.

Bag lettuce or fresh shredded lettuce is always a hot topic among sandwich lovers. Of course everyone will say fresh shredded lettuce is better, but it is my experience that in reality they perfer the most visually stunning green. Since the bag lettuce is cut with a large machine and stredded without a lot of imperfection, and then perservatives are added to keep it from browning and wilting quickly most people prefer that over the fresh shredded.

Sauces are pretty standard except specialty sauces such a chipotle mayo, honey mustard and different kinds of BBQ sauce.

So next time you visit your local sandwich resturant take note of all of these details. and remember if you aren't sure about a sauce ask to taste it first. It's worth the hassle because if you don't like it, it's an ever larger pain to remake a sandwich.

Einstein's little known sandwich theory.

Very few people know about Einstein's Theory of Sandwiches. He came up with a mathematical equation for the perfect sandwich. Well okay, you caught me, he didn't really have a sandwich theory, but he should of, and if he were alive today I'm sure he would endorse this theory.

The theory came about because of the need to decide what taste the most delicious, and while some people might disagree with the formula (cough, cough vegitarians, cough vegans) it is pretty standard and defined by a set of rules.

The history rule defines exactly what a sandwich is. This is because the creator of the sandwich, John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, wanted to eat a slab of roast beef but didn't want his hands to get messy while he was holding his cards during a game of poker. Luckily for us he was a paraniod mother fucker who thought other players would try to look at his cards while he was eating. So he summoned his wait staff to bring him the roastbeef between two pieces of bread so that he could easily eat it without mess and showing his hand. So a sandwich is actually defined as meat between two pieces of bread. All other ingredients are variables.

but wait? What about a veggie sub, because it doesn't have meat is it not a sandwich? Well technically history states that it isn't, The Earl did not look like he cared to much about veggies, he was a total meat and carb fanatic, but we have exceptions to this rule.

Modern Day Exceptions.
because of the movement to eat more greens and vegetables in our diet we can conclude that the exception can be made for sandwiches which are vegetable based and follow a modified equation.
So a sandwich is anything with meat between two pieces of bread or certain vegetables taking on the relation of the meat between pieces of bread. (I will explain wraps and pita type sandwiches later on in another post.)

Bread should be well thought out for different types of sandwiches but for the theory we are just going to talk about hoagie style or sub style sandwiches. Bread thickness should be equal or less to the thinkness of the meat on the sandwich for each side of bread, the cheese should be 1/3 the thickness of the meat, If extra cheese then it should be 2/3rds. All veggies should equal the thickness of the meat and cheese together. A perfect sub is never eaten dry, so pick your choice of wets ( mayo, mustard, oil, vinegar, chipotle mayo, thousand island dressing, etc) just don't over sauce. Soggy is not perfection

Now for veggie subs. In order to allow a veggie sub to be called a sandwich something has to act as the meat component and be the variable that we judge all the other variables on. It could be tomatoes, cucumbers, or a combo of peppers and onions. So lets say the peppers and onions will take the place of the meat in the equation, where as the rest of the vegetables will be the vegetable part.

Other variants include:

If no cheese on a veggie then equation = 1/2 bread + (1/4 meat component + 1/4 veggies)

If cheese only then equation = 2/3rd bread + 1/3rd cheese

If cheese and meat only then equation = 1/2 bread + 2/6 meat + 1/6 cheese

If only Meat then equation = 1/2 bread + 1/2 meat

I'm sure Einstein and The Earl would approve.

Customers Pay Attention!

While getting a sub for lunch today I noticed how horrible most people are at ording a sub sandwich. After working in subshops while going through college and even a little bit after I have come up with rules of thumb to follow to insure good service and even the best possible taste and more product.

1. If there is a line don't get in line if you are not sure what you want.

2. Never ever talk on your cell phone in line EVER! You will be skipped in line and your sandwhich will be manhandled and sloppy.

3. Don't blurt everything out at once. Work the steps. I would like a Regular Size Wheat Italian with Provolone. The next person will do your toppings. Or wait for that person to finish those steps and then tell them what else.

4. Don't be a smart ass.

5. Ask for what you want. If you say I want a ton of jalopeno's and extra mayo that is exactly what you get.

6. If you have a list of a few subs. You can hand the list to them. Actually they prefer that you do.

7. Never call someone to ask them what they want on their sub, and never use your nextel or speaker phone to let someone on the other line order their sub.

8. If you are one person ordering more than 3 sandwhiches it's better to call ahead or fax in your order.

9. During the lunch rush keep small talk to a minimum. The workers have a job to do and they work based on quantity and quality.

10. if you are a picky eater be polite when explaining to them otherwise you come off like an whiney bitch.

8. If you have food allergies let them know before they start making your sub. Also be clear and consice. Cheese steak subs come with cheese if you are allergic speak up before they make it. Same goes for vegans and vegitarians.

9. When you go to get your toppings topped never say EVERYTHING unless you really mean EVERYTHING.

10. Don't treat the workers like they are idiots they only difference between you and them is what side of the counter you are on.

11. If you have a valid complaint be polite. Mess ups happen and polite people get a lot more than the complainers.

12. Do not eat almost your whole sandwich except for a few bites and them come to the counter and say there was something wrong with it. If you didn't like it you wouldn't have eaten almost all of it.

13. Realize that sometimes your requests are stupid. Don't top your sub and have us wrap it up only to ask "oh can you toast that?". If we say we are out of something we are. We aren't hiding it from you.

14. Pay Attention. Don't meander out of line. your sandwich will be set aside until all of the other attention paying customers are delt with.

15. If you want a different cheese than what it says on the menu speak up. Other wise you get the Default.

16. Extras are not free, be prepared to pay for any thing extra and even swapouts of meat. If you want turkey and Roast beef instead of Turkey and Ham its going to cost you more because Roast Beef is a more expensive meat.

17. Don't haggle over 20 cents. It makes you look cheap and ridiculous. This usually happens when someone wants something extra and doesn't want to pay for it.

18. Speak loud and Clear. It's hard to hear over all the noise and refridgeration units or through the glass.

19. If you want an even better sandwich next time be friendly, patient and tip.

20. If you follow these rules and still get bad service or sloppy sandwiches try another subshop and see if that helps.

Introduction.

I'm always talking about the search for the perfect sub, or the hunt for the heavenly hoagie, greatest grinder, superior sandwich, or perfect pita. So I decided to blog about my adventures in sandwiches. My friends say it's a silly idea that will bore anyone that attempts to read it, but this isn't your average food review. It's more an inside look and based on my knowledge of working at a deli style sub shop and working as a sandwich artist. I'll throw in some fun stories, great recipes and the things you really didn't want to know about the fine art of sandwich sculpture.

My goal is to provide one new sandwich review a week. and scatter random recipes, thoughts, and fun post in between. Some insider info, deal alerts, and pictures of my meals. The first few posts will be an introduction and a few lessons about the art of sandwiches which are not as fun but will be information need later. Trust me there is a payoff.

Also some information I have is older information or can vary from one franchise to the next, so I invite others to correct me if I happen to get something wrong, or if something has been updated.