Einstein's little known sandwich theory.

Very few people know about Einstein's Theory of Sandwiches. He came up with a mathematical equation for the perfect sandwich. Well okay, you caught me, he didn't really have a sandwich theory, but he should of, and if he were alive today I'm sure he would endorse this theory.

The theory came about because of the need to decide what taste the most delicious, and while some people might disagree with the formula (cough, cough vegitarians, cough vegans) it is pretty standard and defined by a set of rules.

The history rule defines exactly what a sandwich is. This is because the creator of the sandwich, John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, wanted to eat a slab of roast beef but didn't want his hands to get messy while he was holding his cards during a game of poker. Luckily for us he was a paraniod mother fucker who thought other players would try to look at his cards while he was eating. So he summoned his wait staff to bring him the roastbeef between two pieces of bread so that he could easily eat it without mess and showing his hand. So a sandwich is actually defined as meat between two pieces of bread. All other ingredients are variables.

but wait? What about a veggie sub, because it doesn't have meat is it not a sandwich? Well technically history states that it isn't, The Earl did not look like he cared to much about veggies, he was a total meat and carb fanatic, but we have exceptions to this rule.

Modern Day Exceptions.
because of the movement to eat more greens and vegetables in our diet we can conclude that the exception can be made for sandwiches which are vegetable based and follow a modified equation.
So a sandwich is anything with meat between two pieces of bread or certain vegetables taking on the relation of the meat between pieces of bread. (I will explain wraps and pita type sandwiches later on in another post.)

Bread should be well thought out for different types of sandwiches but for the theory we are just going to talk about hoagie style or sub style sandwiches. Bread thickness should be equal or less to the thinkness of the meat on the sandwich for each side of bread, the cheese should be 1/3 the thickness of the meat, If extra cheese then it should be 2/3rds. All veggies should equal the thickness of the meat and cheese together. A perfect sub is never eaten dry, so pick your choice of wets ( mayo, mustard, oil, vinegar, chipotle mayo, thousand island dressing, etc) just don't over sauce. Soggy is not perfection

Now for veggie subs. In order to allow a veggie sub to be called a sandwich something has to act as the meat component and be the variable that we judge all the other variables on. It could be tomatoes, cucumbers, or a combo of peppers and onions. So lets say the peppers and onions will take the place of the meat in the equation, where as the rest of the vegetables will be the vegetable part.

Other variants include:

If no cheese on a veggie then equation = 1/2 bread + (1/4 meat component + 1/4 veggies)

If cheese only then equation = 2/3rd bread + 1/3rd cheese

If cheese and meat only then equation = 1/2 bread + 2/6 meat + 1/6 cheese

If only Meat then equation = 1/2 bread + 1/2 meat

I'm sure Einstein and The Earl would approve.